Sabotage -3 Simple Questions

Sabotage -3 Simple Questions

by | Apr 16, 2020 | Personal Development, Stress and Anxiety

Sabotage is an excuse to not face something that makes you feel uncomfortable! Sabotage causes a lot of stress and anxiety, it stifles productivity and stops us getting results in our life and for some reason, we tend to write it off as a phenomenon we know nothing about. 

Why we Sabotage

The biggest reason people sabotage anything is because deep down they don’t believe they can achieve what they set out to achieve.

It’s great to show the world how great you are by setting big goals, or by appearing to have the right partner in your life. You showed them right! But do you have that little nagging doubt that you are worthy of the good things you created?

Think back through your life to the many times you have done this before. Maybe you lost weight, only to gain it back again. perhaps you got a great job and suddenly you lost your confidence or did things to show yourself you were not up to the task

The cycle of unhelpful beliefs leading to sabotage

How Sabotage Keeps you Small

When you are a champion saboteur, you are always looking out at other people. You notice their behavior so you can find them wanting, often because they are displaying the very behaviors you are trying to hide yourself.

So you go about judging others, but trying to appear to be more than you know you are being, all the time never really giving all of yourself to whatever you are doing, because secretly you know you don’t deserve success.

Deserving – the antidote to Sabotage

When you believe you deserve more, you allow yourself to have more, experience more. You give more to others because if you are holding yourself back, you are not only judging yourself harshly, but I will bet actual money you are judging others just the same.

Understanding your strengths as well as your values, appreciating yourself for being the imperfect individual you are and owning the fact you are worthy of stepping up are the best way to stop sabotage. Most of the time we are so busy trying to please everyone else and doing the things we think are wanted, we don’t really stop to consider who we are.

Its really not about doing more or being a hard arse and pushing through. Its not about doing anything. Confidence is the antidote to sabotage. Finding confidence is no 5 minute 3 step process, and you may need help with it. Gaining confidence is about being more open about your fears and insecurities, perhaps with a trusted friend.

Three Simple questions

Three questions you can ask yourself when you are in Sabotage Mode

  1. Am I good enough?
  2. What makes it true?
  3. What makes it untrue?

While these appear to be simple questions, challenge yourself to answer these with a friend. You might find out something you didn’t know. The brain is always solving problems. When you ask, why do I always sabotage? The brain will automatically come up with reasons to sabotage. It only connects to “always sabotage”

To counter this, try asking another question. How will I do this thing? It might be, how will I begin to exercise, or how will I approach this project. Maybe its what do I need to learn to do this thing I want to do? Just find the question that puts your brain to work for you finding solutions. It will make a big difference and sabotage will begin to be a thing of the past.

Another cool thing is to sit with a piece of paper and dream of what it will be like when you conquer this thing. Take yourself away from the situation, and work out what you want. If nothing was in the way, and you didn’t feel this way, how might you feel instead? What would you be feeling? Who else might be there enjoying the fruits of your labor? How would it feel? The more you get involved in dreaming of success, the more you will be motivated to move towards it and you will actually forget to sabotage your efforts.Try it! Give it a crack!

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Your Values will Set you Free

Your Values will Set you Free

by | Feb 6, 2020 | Leadership, Personal Development

 

Living  your Values is more than just how you show up for people.  It is more of the way you are in the world, as a human being.  When we are upset with people its often because they don’t share the values.  In marriages, it is often the values of the people that draw and hold them together and when they don’t match, it can tear people apart.  

So many people have no clue what they stand for, and we know the old saying, if you don’t know what you stand for, you could stand for anything.

Your Authentic Life

Your values play a huge part in the decisions you make, how you show up and the things that make you who you are.

When you are not being your authentic self, you don’t feel so much like you can hold your head up high.  Talking about people behind their backs doesn’t hurt the other person, but sure has an impact on you.  Making choices that make you feel bad is your subconscious telling you that you are not being true to yourself. 

Your values are all part of your belief system.  What you hold to be important.  People who live in congruence with what they believe to be true, often are held up as being true Leaders, as they can authentically lead from a place of truth.

Driving Outcomes

Knowing who you are and what you stand for is always your first point of clarity.  Being able to be true to yourself and communicate that impacts relationships and supports your career.  When you dare to live according to your standards, some may not feel comfortable with you, especially if they are hiding behind their own facade, but in truth, over the longer term people will respect you, and as a leader, you will be a magnet to those who also live their values.

 If you are in a leadership role, your people will follow you easily because they know what you stand for.  Holding people accountable is easy when you both understand each others values.  This results in increased productivity and a happier team. of people.

The impact on people

Culture really is a result of people who are aligned in the same way, coming together to create an environment that is fits with everyone’s values is the hallmark of a great family, community and workplace.  Yet so often we see “leaders” barking orders and handing down culture to the people who work “under” them.

You might think that when you are not living your authentic self that no one else notices.  Can you think of someone in your own environment that does that.  Are they aware you notice?  You might be feeling like an impostor, or a fake.  The world is full of those who choose to live a valueless life.  Some countries are led by such people.  They may be in leadership positions, but are they leaders?

Collaboration from Values

Having a collaborative culture makes life just easy.  Knowing what you can rely on each other for and being mindful of the needs and values of others naturally creates a better culture, and in turn has amazing outcomes such as better relationships, more open and honest communication and in the workplace, better engagement.

No matter where you are in the world, or what you do for a living, you values are definitely driving the bus.  They have an impact every moment of every day.  When considering how you work with people, it might be helpful to notice the unspoken drivers that underpin the team.  Here are some examples you might like to bring up in conversation

 Being Accountable
Meeting deadlines
Helping Others
Being Reliable
Communicating Honestly and openly
Showing Tolerance

While these are just a few possible values, how did you feel when you read them?  How is your team, or your family living theirs?  Do you know yours and are you living them?  Join the discussion here